…while other times I love it. Makes sense right?

For the past month, my life has just been one huge roller coaster, and right now, I’m not sure it’ll end just yet (the drama not my life, yeesh!). Earlier this month, I got into a car accident. My car of 2 years, which would have been paid off the beginning of the next year, was announced a total loss by my auto insurance provider. This is where my drama started.

I officially broke up with my boyfriend right after. After one whole year of the good and the bad, it became nasty and ended all in one terrible day. I was completely heart broken. Add this to the stress of not having a car and going back and fourth with lawyers, car insurance, and tricky lien holders, it was just spelling out disaster.

For about a week, I went into my own little depression, wondering what the hell I did wrong to be in the position I was in. Second guessing myself and thinking that what people might have said were true and I was merely just blind to it all. I thought of the most ugliest things in that time and I felt bad afterward seeing my mother and friends feeling bad for me as well.

If its one thing in life I absolutely hate, its that of people feeling bad for me or being a part of my problems. I know sometimes its not so healthy to keep things bottled up or the burden put completely on your shoulders, but with what I’ve gone through in life and my experiences, I can’t help it. I just don’t want people to throw things back in my face later on or expect me to BE THERE for them, because they were there for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always try to help others out as much as I can (contradicting, huh?), but for someone to nastily think that I OWE them because they did a small favor for me…even when I didn’t ask for it, or told them not to, they still expect it and not in a nice way either, is what I hate the most! Sadly, this has happened to me on one too many occasions.

In the end though, I have to thank my family and friends for their encouraging words. If not for them, I would probably still be thinking so poorly of myself and for no good reason. I know who I am, I mean, I would sure hope so after 21 years of living. Only I know who I truly am and what I believe. Others cannot tell me what THEY think I am just because it is what THEY believe. Only I can define myself.

After much thought and getting back on my feet, I noticed things to turn around for the good. Like they say, when one door closes, another opens, and I believe this to be very true. I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, have let certain things pass me by, while I was blinded by just wasn’t right, but not anymore. I’m proud to be who I am and although life loves to give me lemons, all I can do is well…make lemonade!

I just hope that with all that has happened and with what I know now and the freedoms I have, that I will make the right decisions from here on out and live my life the way I want and to the fullest! In the end, that’s what life’s all about, right?

I have big, BIG, big plans for my future! I’m already planning everything out and finding information for what I need to make it all come true…one of them being MOVING out!

Yep, I have FINALLY decided to leave the nest and start living on my own…I had to sometime. The place I want to move to is NEW YORK! I love the city (as I have mentioned a million times) and it has always been a dream of mine to live there. I don’t care what anyone says, you have your good times and you have your bad, I’m moving to NY no matter what!

Not only that, but I want to start school there also! My second dream is to go to NYU (New York University), although from my high school transcripts (not sure if they would look at my technical school ones?) I’ll probably have to do some community college first to get my GPA (Grade Point Average) up. So I have to look into that.

So far, my boyfriend and I (who I will be moving with…yay!) are planning for a trip up there for the end of February or beginning March! I’ll hopefully be staying with family members and in that time, scoping out jobs and apartments in/or around the city. I REALLY don’t want live in the projects…I know how that goes…and if I have anything to do with it, I WILL NOT be moving into them.

I’ve been looking for jobs on Craig’s List and am surprised at how many jobs you can find there, that I’ve never seen a listing for here in Orlando. Not only that, but some of them are simple to do jobs that actually pay better then working a McDonald’s (which I will never work at…).

All this planning is getting me so excited and I cannot wait to start it all out. I know I might have some tough times, but knowing I did it on my own, rather my mother or family member helping me out, really just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Haha, I know lame!

I feel that I am a little too young to be going through this. Although when I was very much younger and didn’t have a job, my mom went through this and all I could was sit and watch, but now that I’m older, have a job, and can actually manage money, I can understand all the stress she has gone through my whole life.

Sad to say it, but yes, right now we are in a major slump. With everything rising in price, even our rent, and our jobs not doing much about it, its hard. Right now we are looking for a smaller apartment to possible move to, but everything we find is practically the same price we are paying for here in a house! Not only that, but I’m debating whether or not to just get a place of my own. My number one question; “Am I ready for it?”.

I feel like I could do it, but I also want to go back to school and am wondering if I would have the right amount of time to keep a stable job, go to school, and still be able to pay the rent and amenities that come with it? On top of that, I have two cats, and for those of you with pet family members know how expensive some of their things can cost. I’m not necessarily complaining, I love my babies and would do anything for them, I just have to be a little more realistic and think about them when deciding what I will be doing, or I’ll just be setting myself up for failure if I don’t.

Ugh and then there is the whole school thing. YUP, I’m still trying to figure out where to go. My choices at the moment:

The ever expensive Full Sail University (yes, they are an accredited university now)
The somewhat lacking University of Central Florida
The you-must-be-a-first-year-to-get-in-the-film-school of Florida State University
The not really in the mood to get just my AA at Valencia Community College

Sounds exciting, no? Yea, I don’t know…>_>