…while other times I love it. Makes sense right?

For the past month, my life has just been one huge roller coaster, and right now, I’m not sure it’ll end just yet (the drama not my life, yeesh!). Earlier this month, I got into a car accident. My car of 2 years, which would have been paid off the beginning of the next year, was announced a total loss by my auto insurance provider. This is where my drama started.

I officially broke up with my boyfriend right after. After one whole year of the good and the bad, it became nasty and ended all in one terrible day. I was completely heart broken. Add this to the stress of not having a car and going back and fourth with lawyers, car insurance, and tricky lien holders, it was just spelling out disaster.

For about a week, I went into my own little depression, wondering what the hell I did wrong to be in the position I was in. Second guessing myself and thinking that what people might have said were true and I was merely just blind to it all. I thought of the most ugliest things in that time and I felt bad afterward seeing my mother and friends feeling bad for me as well.

If its one thing in life I absolutely hate, its that of people feeling bad for me or being a part of my problems. I know sometimes its not so healthy to keep things bottled up or the burden put completely on your shoulders, but with what I’ve gone through in life and my experiences, I can’t help it. I just don’t want people to throw things back in my face later on or expect me to BE THERE for them, because they were there for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always try to help others out as much as I can (contradicting, huh?), but for someone to nastily think that I OWE them because they did a small favor for me…even when I didn’t ask for it, or told them not to, they still expect it and not in a nice way either, is what I hate the most! Sadly, this has happened to me on one too many occasions.

In the end though, I have to thank my family and friends for their encouraging words. If not for them, I would probably still be thinking so poorly of myself and for no good reason. I know who I am, I mean, I would sure hope so after 21 years of living. Only I know who I truly am and what I believe. Others cannot tell me what THEY think I am just because it is what THEY believe. Only I can define myself.

After much thought and getting back on my feet, I noticed things to turn around for the good. Like they say, when one door closes, another opens, and I believe this to be very true. I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, have let certain things pass me by, while I was blinded by just wasn’t right, but not anymore. I’m proud to be who I am and although life loves to give me lemons, all I can do is well…make lemonade!

I just hope that with all that has happened and with what I know now and the freedoms I have, that I will make the right decisions from here on out and live my life the way I want and to the fullest! In the end, that’s what life’s all about, right?

So a couple of days ago, my mother and I were at a red light. Her window was half way open and I had the music a tad bit too loud when from the corner of my eye I see this guy come up to the passenger side window. As I turn my head to see what he is doing, my mom out of reflex, as she said, closes the window a little bit, sort of scaring the guy from asking us a question. On closer inspection, I notice that he looks to be more of a boy, then a man, probably no older then 16 or 17. I quickly turn down the music and ask him what he wanted, politely of course, but he just gives us this really sad look and turns to walk away.

I swear I’ve never felt so bad before. The look that he gave my mother and me had us both wishing we could turn back time and re-do/think our actions. I don’t think he was a “hobo” or anything, he was dressed normally, a little dirty looking, but what teenage boy isn’t sometimes? In my head I thought that he might have wanted to know the time or something? That’s why I felt so bad afterward. I asked my mom why she had closed the window like that? She said she didn’t do it on purpose, it was just reflex, since she also saw him from the corner of her eye. He literally just popped out of nowhere next to the car and so I can understand since it surprised me too. Also a long time ago, when my mother was still in college she said she had her necklace snatched right off her neck when she was driving in her car and was stopped at a red light. Her window was wide open and some guy just walked right up to her and snatched it off and then took off running. My mother said she was too stunned to do anything. So, I could understand the “reflex” part.

Ugh, but did we feel so horrible afterwards. Its the look he gave us, even now I’m thinking about it and sighing sadly…

On a happier note, I suppose, I’ve updated my site with a few more plugins. I’m sure you have noticed the slight “slowness” of my site’s page load and I’m assuming its because of a widget I have installed. I’m not sure which one, but right now its between the gallery plugin or the Twitter one. Hmmm. Also I’ve closed down my hosting website and moved it back here to my main site. I only opened it long ago when ST was still alive and I had quite a few hostees, probably like 14 at that time and felt it would be much better for them. Now I only have a close knit of hostees and decided it would be much easier this way. So for whoever needs some free subdomain hosting, look no further, its only a click away in the “goodies” page. =D