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So for the past week and a half…my mother had been in the hospital and I’ve been there with her.

Last week she had bypass surgery…5 of them to be exact. Since then, she is doing somewhat better, but has been staying in the hospital due to arm pain and high blood pressure.

I was extremely scared when I heard that they had to do surgery to her the very next day when we got to the ER. She was afraid as well since a cousin of hers in the past was going to have the same surgery and died the day before he was due for it. So that was something that was in both of our heads through out the whole thing. After the 6 hour surgery, we were able to see her in the recovery room with tubes in her mouth and wires all around her. Her face was extremely swollen and she just didn’t look like herself. It was a scary sight and I nearly broke down because of it.

For the surgery I was there at the hospital all by myself. I don’t have much close family here and those who are close live in Massachusetts, so they were scrambling to get a flight down here. Finally my aunt and sister were able to come down and we together took care of my mother, although my sister had to leave the next day, so now it’s only me and my aunt.

Just wanted to update those who were wondering and also wanted to write this out since its been on my mind to a blog for a while. Sorry if my wording is odd. I have limited internet use…anywho…until next time!

What an interesting blog post this is…sike! (haha, I miss saying that!)

I was just thinking to myself that I really need to update this site more. It’s looking a hot mess right now. Every time I do make a new layout, I get sick of it right away and trash before it even becomes live. Its becoming a bad habit. I’m just not satisfied with my designs for this site. Anyways, hopefully in the future, I’ll have a design that’s worth putting up instead of these crappy themes I keep stumbling upon.

In other news, I bought another domain and will be creating a “network” of sorts with it. I’m thinking design & hosting, that will be a part of this network. Sounds exciting in my head! I’ve already made a logo (that I can’t wait to see on a business card!) and am currently creating layouts for both projects. When I have a more solid foundation of the two projects, I’ll let you all know more about it.

…while other times I love it. Makes sense right?

For the past month, my life has just been one huge roller coaster, and right now, I’m not sure it’ll end just yet (the drama not my life, yeesh!). Earlier this month, I got into a car accident. My car of 2 years, which would have been paid off the beginning of the next year, was announced a total loss by my auto insurance provider. This is where my drama started.

I officially broke up with my boyfriend right after. After one whole year of the good and the bad, it became nasty and ended all in one terrible day. I was completely heart broken. Add this to the stress of not having a car and going back and fourth with lawyers, car insurance, and tricky lien holders, it was just spelling out disaster.

For about a week, I went into my own little depression, wondering what the hell I did wrong to be in the position I was in. Second guessing myself and thinking that what people might have said were true and I was merely just blind to it all. I thought of the most ugliest things in that time and I felt bad afterward seeing my mother and friends feeling bad for me as well.

If its one thing in life I absolutely hate, its that of people feeling bad for me or being a part of my problems. I know sometimes its not so healthy to keep things bottled up or the burden put completely on your shoulders, but with what I’ve gone through in life and my experiences, I can’t help it. I just don’t want people to throw things back in my face later on or expect me to BE THERE for them, because they were there for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always try to help others out as much as I can (contradicting, huh?), but for someone to nastily think that I OWE them because they did a small favor for me…even when I didn’t ask for it, or told them not to, they still expect it and not in a nice way either, is what I hate the most! Sadly, this has happened to me on one too many occasions.

In the end though, I have to thank my family and friends for their encouraging words. If not for them, I would probably still be thinking so poorly of myself and for no good reason. I know who I am, I mean, I would sure hope so after 21 years of living. Only I know who I truly am and what I believe. Others cannot tell me what THEY think I am just because it is what THEY believe. Only I can define myself.

After much thought and getting back on my feet, I noticed things to turn around for the good. Like they say, when one door closes, another opens, and I believe this to be very true. I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, have let certain things pass me by, while I was blinded by just wasn’t right, but not anymore. I’m proud to be who I am and although life loves to give me lemons, all I can do is well…make lemonade!

I just hope that with all that has happened and with what I know now and the freedoms I have, that I will make the right decisions from here on out and live my life the way I want and to the fullest! In the end, that’s what life’s all about, right?