A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m.  Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.

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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is! a litt le too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

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THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late – it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being ha! s ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a healt h and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

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SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

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SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Disclaimer: I did not write this or any way claim ownership of this. I got it in an email as a forward and thought it was too funny to pass up and decided to post it here. If by chance you know who wrote this and would like to send me a link or name so that I may give proper credit, well it will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Surpass Hosting: One Love II Sale! 2008

So yesterday I was speaking to one of the many wonderful co-workers here at Surpass and was sort of agitated with what I read about Surpass Hosting all over the net. I know we’re not perfect and not everyone can have the same views and or opinion, but it just erks me when people just flap their gums with false information.  Although old news, I was browsing a site called hostingjury.com, on this website visitors are able to submit reviews of web hosting companies they have used and their experiences during their time there. Totally fine right? WRONG, so it seems. During some time ago two co-workers for Surpass (names will not be mentioned) submitted reviews with their views on the web hosting. I know in your mind your probably thinking, well in reality its not fair that they comment since they are employees. While you may be right, as an individual who also happens to be hosting “clients” of Surpass, don’t they also get a say in how their hosting experience has went? I guess not. After the owner of the site found out that TWO employees had he reviewed, he quickly disable viewing and submitting any more reviews for Surpass Hosting, accusing us that we could have paid people to write up false reviews to make us look good. What on earth? was all I could think. Why on God’s green Earth would someone do that? (don’t answer that)

Well the matter was taken care of and submitting and viewing client reviews was enabled, but I’m sure that the owner probably has a bad eye on us from then on. Oh well.

Another thing I’ve noticed is a lot of people blogging about how their servers are always down and how the “stupid staff” at Surpass are doing nothing to help them. People, remember you are not the only one who is hosted under Surpass. There are over 1,000 servers at the Data center and over 500,000 domains hosted. Its not that we’re thinking, oh since we have all of these clients what makes you so important? No, its just that when you’re trying to monitor all of those servers at the same time, things can get a little hectic and it can take a lot of time. It seems no one gets this, they just think that Surpass is made up of one little server box and that we have two or three people staring at it for a good hour, watching that a red light doesn’t blink on and off. (haha, I know that made no sense, but this is my ranting) Like I said before, we’re not perfect and most of the time, those who complain about their server going down are either on a shared server, meaning that 95% of the time, your neighbor on that server is causing the problem and in order for Surpass to fix it they need to first find out who the “disturber” is and find a solution to fix the problem, which obiviously isn’t going to take two seconds. It’s technology folks, you should know this!

Other then all of that, and I could keep going if I’d like to, working for Surpass Hosting has really opened my eyes and mind to what it really is like to run a growing company. The HostDime company (which is the parent to Surpass) was said to be in the top 50 of best web hosting companies in the world. How great is that? Not only that, but the staff here are amazing! Everyone here are so smart yet very down-to-earth. No one thinks themselves better then the other and we all work as a team, which in past my jobs, wasn’t the case. I love working here and I hope to stay working here for a good long time.

On another note, I’ve been working on a new site that Surpass Hosting will be opening called Beeginners! Web Hosting Help. The site is really cute and I love working on it. Basically it was supposed to be a “tutorial/guide” site for new or even old clients of Surpass that were still in the “beginner” level of creating a website and working with their web hosting space. Then we got the idea to make it an all out public tutorial/guide site and so Beeginners.com was born! So far we have a few tutorials/guides that regard Surpass Hosting, Cpanel 11, and security. Good stuff if you ask me, haha.