I’m excited and at the same time not. While I know I won’t be getting the roughly $2,000 camera I want (this is the sad part), I do know that I will be spending the holidays with my family all together once again! (that’s the great part) It has been a good 6 years since we last spent any type of holiday or birthday together, and usually we always spent it together in one house or the other. So for this to happen again, but ALL of us together, is a very special gift to me and my mother.

Yes, that’s right folks, I’m currently sitting in one of my sister’s house’s rooms in Massachusetts. Freezing my butt of, but here nevertheless, safe and sound.

The trip up here was disasterrific (not a total made up word: ffx2). It was about 20-21 hours from Florida and I had to take my cat on the drive up. Yes, during the lovely trip up there, my lovely little kitty witty decided to poop AND pee inside his carriage. Now, before you think anything, I just want you to know that I DID take him out a few times and not ONCE did he go poop or pee. I know he isn’t a dog, but this was the best I could do. I had the brief idea of buying a little box and putting cat litter in it, but there was NO ROOM in the car to even be remotely comfortable, so I was left without many choices.

Anyway, so he pooped and peed and we nearly died from the smell. To make matters worse we were stuck in an EXTREMELY heavy traffic jam in Virgina, where it was already cold to the bone. So it was either freeze are butts off with the windows open or die in the car from the fumes. In the end, because of the traffic, we had to stop on the side of highway. There goes another disaster…

I ask my sister, who is now mad about the whole thing, to come help me, because I can’t take out the cat, clean him and clean the cage as well. So she comes over, in her high spirits (sarcasm) and nearly squishes my cat to death, because he fell out of her arms. Then she attempts to pick him up and he bites her (if it wasn’t for the situation, I’d be cheering him on), she then yells and almost drops him again and then picks him up by his tail. I’m just standing there in pure horror, that’s when I’m like “OMG, give me” and I kid you not, he came rushing into my arms like there was no tomorrow. Mind you as well, this all happened within seconds of taking him out, I wasn’t just standing there for like 5 minutes watching as my cat could have been road kill and thinking, “gee, what happens next”.

My cousin who was also with us, quickly jumped out of the car and helped clean the cage as I cleaned my cat. It wasn’t the best of cleans, since all we had were water bottles, so about 10-20 minutes later, we stopped at a gas station, where I practically begged the clerk, if I could wash my cat real quick in the bathroom. After about a minute or so, he gave in and told me to not make a mess. So, I bought some cleaning products for the cage (pet friendly) and used the hand soap in the bathroom to clean my cat. After that we went on our merrily way back onto the highway and towards our destination.

Ok so, that was pretty much the worst that happened during the trip, but you can’t deny, it did sound pretty epic right?

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone. I’ll probably be back in the blogging swing of things in 2010!

I cannot wait! Although I hate the cold and it might take a long while before I get used it again (not that I ever was…brrr), but I can’t wait! I have it planned to stay there for a few more months, figured it would be the smarter route to take for the time being. I know for a fact it won’t play out like it did here in FL where we said we would leave and ended up here for 6 years, MA isn’t all that great…lol.

I’ve also been looking over LA (Los Angeles) for a while as well. At first, I thought it might have been a better choice, but in NY I got some family and its only about 1:45 – 2:00 hours from my hometown in MA. So, I would be closer to family…just for a little bit. Probably get my feet wet in NY and then take it to the big-time in LA. How’s that sound?

Well it’s late and I’m tired…so goodnight world!

1. Update my portfolio: Yep, I definitely need to finish this, I’ve been putting it on hold for far too long and I know that when I move, I will need it more then ever and I just can’t have it looking a hot mess as it does now.
2. Come up with a set structure for my new productions company: I already have the name(s) and domains. I just want to create a set logo and foundation for my company before getting too heavy into legal issues and what not. I’m always coming up with new plans for it and I just need to sit down and put what comes first, first!
3. Start music project: I have this music project that I’ve talked over with two close friends that I would like to get going here in Orlando before I go. I feel like it would be very beneficial to musicians locally in the Central Florida area. If things go as planned, I’m thinking of expanding it nation-wide, of course I’m getting ahead of myself here, but sometimes you gotta look at it in the long run.
4. Keep up with contacts here: Oddly enough, I’ve been bumping into a lot of people here who have the same passion or are already in the film making business that I know in the future would be a wonderful contact to have. Its a shame that I had to meet them a month before I was going to leave! Ah well, that’s what Facebook and Twitter are good for.
5. Lastly, new design for Urbanroxy.com: God knows I have been trying to get this done for quite some time now and one day I will accomplish this one simple goal…I just don’t know when exactly. ٩(×̯×)۶

I know with a level headed mind and some good ole patience, I can and will do it!

Oh, before I forget…I’ve been addicted to this free gaming site I found on an online buddy’s website. Its called OMGPOP! and is hella fun! Not only are the games free (and free to sign up), but you get to play with people from all over the world. It makes playing the games that much better! Check it out today!

Not only that, but when we would tell that something was just not right with my mother on how she was feeling, the nurses would just come up with, “well that’s normal after surgery.” This came from when my mother said she was feeling wheezy and short of breath. Now my mother has asthma, always have, and I would like to think she knows the difference from one feeling to another, so when we told the nurse this, she didn’t believe us and just gave us that line above. It took us two more tries, one finding my mother’s inhaler to prove she did have one, and two to get her doctors “confirmation” that she indeed had asthma and had her inhaler for this reason. The nurse then came back to apologize saying how it wasn’t in her paperwork. So, I guess because it’s not in the paper work, lets act like the patient is crazy and doesn’t know what he or she is talking about?

I know you RN’s go to school for this, but seriously, listen to the patients once in a while. I think after about 50 years of knowing yourself and how your body works…you should know when you have this feeling or can’t take this one drug or the other. Just don’t assume because you have schooling for what, 2-4 years, that you’re the only one who knows what’s wrong and right! (this totally doesn’t go to all RN’s out there, only the few who pissed me and my family off on the 7th floor at ORLANDO REGIONAL MEDICAL CENTER!)

Onto happier thoughts, my mother is currently in a rehabilitation center until she knows that she can come back home and have the strength to do so. She is doing much better then when she was in the hospital. She can do pretty much everything on her own, except for changing clothes and bathing herself, since she isn’t supposed to move or use her arms too much due to the incision and broken sternum she has because of the surgery.

There are nights where she feels a lot of pain due to the broken sternum and her back (she also had back surgery a few years back), but she is usually unwilling to take an extra dose of pain medication, because she doesn’t want to feel drowsy and incoherent. I don’t blame her, since they always had her doped up in the hospital, yet they wanted her to walk around and attend classes before she left…I just didn’t see the point.

All I know now, is that for the next couple of months, my mother will be needing a lot of extra care and help to get through all of this. The sad part about it, is that I’m the only one here to do all of this. My aunt, from MA, is currently staying with us, but will be leaving next month. A few family members who do live here in FL, are about an hour away and usually don’t communicate or visit that often, so its as if we’re the only family we got, just the two of us.

I’ll be starting school in the Spring and hope to find a job soon. With all this in mind, I feel like it’ll be a lot of stress for me to handle. To be honest, I’ve been “watching” over her since I was 13 when she had a major stroke. I’m 21, so you can imagine all that I’ve been through throughout the years. We came to live here in FL when I was 15, so between 13 to 15 I had some help from my family when we still lived in MA. After that, it was just us. My sister did come to live here about a year or two later, but she never stayed long, and has already moved back to MA.

I’ve always been there for my mother, taking care of her when she would cry out in pain at 3 AM. When she wanted and needed to go to the hospital and we’d be there for literally 10-12 hours in the ER, before they would decide to admit her, I’d be there, wide awake throughout the whole night, to make sure she was feeling OK and that when doctors and nurses came in to ask questions or find out information, I would be awake and ready (she would already be passed out from the many medicines they would give her). When she needs someone to go pick up her prescriptions at her doctors office, which is a 30 minute drive to the place, who is the one to do it, me.

For 8 years, it has only been me who has been there for her. As many times as I’ve said that I’ll be leaving or moving out, I can’t. Not only because I don’t have the money (I’ve been paying bills here since I was 16), but because if I left, I know she wouldn’t have anyone to take care of her, and sadly, I know she wouldn’t make it on her own.

You’re probably thinking, well why doesn’t she just go back to MA where all our family is, so that they can be there for her? Well, she doesn’t want to go back…I don’t blame her though. I can understand why she wouldn’t, but for now, it seems like the only thing she can do. Sooner or later, I want to live on my own…go to school in NY and start my life. I’m 21 years of age! I don’t want to start my life late and feel like I’ll never accomplish anything if I keep getting held back. That’s right, that’s how I feel. It may sound terrible to others and maybe not, but it’s how I feel sometimes and I wish I could just have a little bit of help and understanding from some people.

I didn’t want complain or rant too much in this blog post, but the feelings just washed over me and poured into my fingers typing on this keyboard.

All I can say is I hope that one day, all this stress will be free from us and that we can both live happily ever after…if only for a few months at least.

Last week she had bypass surgery…5 of them to be exact. Since then, she is doing somewhat better, but has been staying in the hospital due to arm pain and high blood pressure.

I was extremely scared when I heard that they had to do surgery to her the very next day when we got to the ER. She was afraid as well since a cousin of hers in the past was going to have the same surgery and died the day before he was due for it. So that was something that was in both of our heads through out the whole thing. After the 6 hour surgery, we were able to see her in the recovery room with tubes in her mouth and wires all around her. Her face was extremely swollen and she just didn’t look like herself. It was a scary sight and I nearly broke down because of it.

For the surgery I was there at the hospital all by myself. I don’t have much close family here and those who are close live in Massachusetts, so they were scrambling to get a flight down here. Finally my aunt and sister were able to come down and we together took care of my mother, although my sister had to leave the next day, so now it’s only me and my aunt.

Just wanted to update those who were wondering and also wanted to write this out since its been on my mind to a blog for a while. Sorry if my wording is odd. I have limited internet use…anywho…until next time!

I love you guys and wish you all well on your wonderful day!

Also a Happy Birthday to anyone else out there who’s birthday it today or this month! =)

[Insert Happy Birthday song here]

Anywho, to start this blog off. I got a new job! Yup, no more SurpassHosting, although I still do love them to death and will ALWAYS use their web hosting services. I now work for an internet marketing and web design company named OnTarget Web Solutions. I’m really learning a lot more about the web design industry and dipping more into marketing and SEO. It’s a great job and I even get my own office, which isn’t half bad! Hopefully with this new job, I’ll be able to save up for college and my big move to NYC in the future. Can’t wait!

Talking about moving, I’m REALLY thinking about moving out on my own. Unfortunately, my mother and I are arguing more and more everyday more so then speaking normally and it is taking a toll on me as well as her. I think that it might be time for me to move out and leave the nest. I just want to make sure that she is in a stable living place and can manage on her own. I’m actually trying to push her to either live in Tallahasse where one of her best friends lives or back in my hometown of MA. I KNOW for a fact she HATES MA so I’m hoping Tally will be the alternative and ultimate choice. At least she wouldn’t be too far away from me, only 4 hours! Just something we really need to sit down and talk about over a nice dinner…hmm…idea!

I could have done like most others do when they get pulled over; try and come up with excuses, but I didn’t and was calm through the whole thing. I even laughed a little with my mother and boyfriend, who did warn me that one day I would get a speeding ticket for my “crazy” driving. (Thanks mom and Mike, you guys totally jinxed me) Anyways, the cop had a pretty calm attitude himself and told me he clocked me going 86 in a 65 zone. >_> (so maybe I was speeding a little, but you try driving all the way from FL to MA and not want to hurry up and get there!) I told him I was sorry and didn’t mean to, that I was trying to get to MA for my sister’s wedding. He just nodded his head and went back to his cop car. About 5 minutes later he came back with my pretty little ticket and told me that he had reduced the speed to 79 so I wouldn’t have to pay so much. (remember you are able to go at least 5 miles over the speed limit, so it was recorded as 9 miles over the speed limit)

Not sure if that was something cops usually do, or if he was being nice, since it was my first ticket EVER, but I was thankful and made sure to drive the speed limit while in NJ. So, I did learn my lesson; NEVER speed while in the North…haha, just kidding, but it did get me to be more aware of my speed and also to watch for cops hiding behind bridges…the bums.

On a random note, I just found out that “Rocsi” from 106 & Park’s real name is Raquel Roxanne Diaz. WTH? One, that’s an odd combination of names, and two that’s totally biting off my name (Roxanne Diaz). Well not really, but when I search my name now, all I get is news about her and crap…how lame. Oh well.

So much has happened in the last month, counting between the end of June and till now, that its too much to write out. To explain it in a nutshell, I’m moving. Yup, no more Florida or Orlando. Well at least just for tiny bit longer as I fix some loose ends here and clean up shop…haha. I’ve decided to finally go to New York and attend The New York Film Academy that I’ve been looking at for a good year now.

If you’re a constant reader, you’ll know I talked about going to Full Sail here in Orlando and are probably wondering what happened to my idea of going there? Well, its called reality, the school is REALLY expensive for just two years and I’m too poor for it. Even if I applied for the Pell Grant and took out loans…after two years and 7 months, I’d have to be paying it all back. $75,000.00 USD is not easy to pay back no matter the “monthly installments”. I know that’s how college life is, but it makes more sense if it were spanned out to 4 years instead of 2, no?

Anywho, the NYFA is much cheaper and pretty much the same as Full Sail, probably only a little more old school and better yet, in the heart of New York City. I’m a sucker for the city! Well until I can officially move there, which will most likely be at the beginning of next year or ending of this one, I hope, I will be saving up like crazy. Now I just need to decide whether I save up in Tallahassee or back in my home state of Massachusetts? Hmmm….

I just couldn’t be happier. So far they are 3 – 1. For those of you who don’t know, that means they have won 3 games and lost one, all they need to do is win one more game and they are the champions! I also love watching this basketball game, because it brings my mother and I closer. When I used to play she was my support and rooting section, so she knows what its like to be a spectator and loves to watch the game.

Another reason why I get so hyped up for this game, basketball was invented in my hometown of Springfield, MA! I LOVE IT! I wish when the Celtics win, I could be up there, because I know the party scene will be blasting! Oh well…I’ll party down here in FL….hahah.

All I have to say is HAHA KOBE, YOU SUCK! =P GO GET EM CELTS!!!

Edit// In response to DR’s comment and for those who do not know or are out of the loop.

The Bostons Celtics and LA Lakers are both USA NBA teams (National Basketball Association). They are long time rivals since they represent the East and West sides of the US. They are both currently in the playoffs, which determines who the best team of the 2008 BBall season is. Kobe Bryant is the LA Lakers “Star player” and is known for his great athletic abilities *cough* lies *cough*.

If you’ve heard of the Yankee/Red Sox rivalry, well the Celtics/Lakers are basically in the same boat. Its just this year (or past couple) The Celtics are like the “underdogs” and they are fighting their way to win this time!

Like the Giants and Patriots in Football…haha.