…while other times I love it. Makes sense right?

For the past month, my life has just been one huge roller coaster, and right now, I’m not sure it’ll end just yet (the drama not my life, yeesh!). Earlier this month, I got into a car accident. My car of 2 years, which would have been paid off the beginning of the next year, was announced a total loss by my auto insurance provider. This is where my drama started.

I officially broke up with my boyfriend right after. After one whole year of the good and the bad, it became nasty and ended all in one terrible day. I was completely heart broken. Add this to the stress of not having a car and going back and fourth with lawyers, car insurance, and tricky lien holders, it was just spelling out disaster.

For about a week, I went into my own little depression, wondering what the hell I did wrong to be in the position I was in. Second guessing myself and thinking that what people might have said were true and I was merely just blind to it all. I thought of the most ugliest things in that time and I felt bad afterward seeing my mother and friends feeling bad for me as well.

If its one thing in life I absolutely hate, its that of people feeling bad for me or being a part of my problems. I know sometimes its not so healthy to keep things bottled up or the burden put completely on your shoulders, but with what I’ve gone through in life and my experiences, I can’t help it. I just don’t want people to throw things back in my face later on or expect me to BE THERE for them, because they were there for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always try to help others out as much as I can (contradicting, huh?), but for someone to nastily think that I OWE them because they did a small favor for me…even when I didn’t ask for it, or told them not to, they still expect it and not in a nice way either, is what I hate the most! Sadly, this has happened to me on one too many occasions.

In the end though, I have to thank my family and friends for their encouraging words. If not for them, I would probably still be thinking so poorly of myself and for no good reason. I know who I am, I mean, I would sure hope so after 21 years of living. Only I know who I truly am and what I believe. Others cannot tell me what THEY think I am just because it is what THEY believe. Only I can define myself.

After much thought and getting back on my feet, I noticed things to turn around for the good. Like they say, when one door closes, another opens, and I believe this to be very true. I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, have let certain things pass me by, while I was blinded by just wasn’t right, but not anymore. I’m proud to be who I am and although life loves to give me lemons, all I can do is well…make lemonade!

I just hope that with all that has happened and with what I know now and the freedoms I have, that I will make the right decisions from here on out and live my life the way I want and to the fullest! In the end, that’s what life’s all about, right?

Usually people write about this at the beginning of the year as resolutions, but I like to be fashionably late. =P

Go back to school: A personal goal I set for myself and so far have 95% completed. I have already paid the application fee and just need to send send proof of my residence! After that, I need to take the CPT (college placement test) and register for classes for the fall! If you’re wondering, I will be attending Valencia Community College. It’s cheap, an excellent school, and exactly what I need to raise my GPA!

Get a job: I’ve been applying EVERYWHERE like crazy! For now, I’m not too worried where I work, but I have been avoiding anything that has to do with food. Since I’ll be starting school in the fall, I’m not to hell bent on getting a full-time position. Of course, if the opportunity presents itself and is well worth it, I’ll go for it.

Start a business: For a while now I have been trying to start my own web design business. It’s a little dream of mine to actually have one huge multimedia company, but I need to start somewhere. Web design of course was the first thing in mind. Currently I have a few friends who I know I can trust to help me and have some excellent skills in their own respected fields, I just need to know where to start. I’m actually starting to research of all this now and hope to maybe have something going by the end of the year. Wish me luck!

Move out: This has been a great topic for posts on my blog for a while now. I always say I’m going to move out, but something always ends up happening that hinders that idea. I NEED to move out and asap! I just need the finical stability to do so…and possibly a roommate or two. Hopefully when I get a new job, I can work towards this goal.

For now, these are my major goals for 2009 and I really hope that I will be able to fulfill them before the year ends. I just need patients, smarts, and a whole lot of luck!

PS: I was tagged by LingLingfor the “What’s in My Bag?” game. I currently don’t use a purse/bag and just happily have a Chanel wallet with everything I need inside. My cellphone has a pocket case that fits on the side of my belt buckle or pant pocket and I usually hold my keys or attach them to my belt loop. So, not much need for a purse, unless of course it’s that time of the month or I’m going somewhere fancy.

I totally fail at this game!

My poor site has been so neglected! I feel bad. I have ideas to do this and that with it and then I turn the other way for a second, and forget all about it. Sad, I know.

So for the past month and a half…a lot has happened! I lost my job, am struggling to pay my bills, signed up for college, am helping my aunt in Tallahassee with this business “project” she has, got offered a teaching position at the old tech school I went, and my sister and her family are coming down to our house for summer break! I’ll break each one of those down below:

Lost My Job: Yup, it’s true! The one thing that just needed to screw me over…my job! As some of you know, I was working as a web designer for a small Internet marketing and “web design” firm.

I was really excited when I got a call for an interview (or was it an email?). When in the interview though, one of the many questions that the boss asked me should have had me running for the hills!

“Can you design websites like this?” Basically he showed me a nice SIMPLE design created by their EX-web designer. Me being in need of a job BADLY, said yes of course! Not realizing the underlining question he was really asking, which was:

“Can you be a clone of our LAST designer?” If I had known then that was the real question, I probably would have answered with a “No sir, no designer is always the same.”

Through out my whole 4 or 5 months there, a day could not pass without them talking about the ex-designer. Of course I played it off saying it didn’t bother me, but it did. How would you feel if that happened to you on a daily basis?

Anyways, I created the layouts to how THEY wanted it. I had no creative freedom, although once or twice, the boss scolded me telling me that “he’s not the designer, that’s what I’m here for”. Then why the crap are you asking to see the design and go over it and make changes to how YOU see fit? Don’t get me wrong, I know a second opinion or eye to make sure everything fits the bill is fine, but in the end they always ended up designing it themselves and believe me, it wasn’t anything special. VERY simple…usually two colors max and usually the same “layout” as other designs they have made.

I’m not trying to complain, but it was very frustrating at times to work for them and then at the end of the December…they “laid me off”. They didn’t “fire” me (that’s what they said). They said I was doing great and fine during the beginning, but slowly was going down hill. That comment was probably because of the two or three clients who weren’t statisfied with anything, but that was all my fault! They even started to give side work to their EX-designer who they loved and worshiped. Saying “he just gets it”, gets what?!

For one thing, the guy codes in nothing but tables, his coding was horribly messy (I could never find ANYTHING and would always just re-do it from scratch, which took more time). Even his Photoshop layers were in a complete mess. I ALWAYS had to re-do the layout and copy it to the best of my ability, but did the job see that? Of course not!

I created more on spot designs then ones who needed 5 -6 samples and never chose one (even though 4 out those samples would be practically designed by the boss and team), but hey who’s counting?

As people, they’re not horrible, they gave me an extra check that I didn’t work for, because they felt bad, and were sometimes good listeners to problems I had (not that I said much), but overall as a company, I was a little disappointed.

I will talk about the other topics I mentioned above in another blog post. Gives me more to blog about!