1. Update my portfolio: Yep, I definitely need to finish this, I’ve been putting it on hold for far too long and I know that when I move, I will need it more then ever and I just can’t have it looking a hot mess as it does now.
2. Come up with a set structure for my new productions company: I already have the name(s) and domains. I just want to create a set logo and foundation for my company before getting too heavy into legal issues and what not. I’m always coming up with new plans for it and I just need to sit down and put what comes first, first!
3. Start music project: I have this music project that I’ve talked over with two close friends that I would like to get going here in Orlando before I go. I feel like it would be very beneficial to musicians locally in the Central Florida area. If things go as planned, I’m thinking of expanding it nation-wide, of course I’m getting ahead of myself here, but sometimes you gotta look at it in the long run.
4. Keep up with contacts here: Oddly enough, I’ve been bumping into a lot of people here who have the same passion or are already in the film making business that I know in the future would be a wonderful contact to have. Its a shame that I had to meet them a month before I was going to leave! Ah well, that’s what Facebook and Twitter are good for.
5. Lastly, new design for Urbanroxy.com: God knows I have been trying to get this done for quite some time now and one day I will accomplish this one simple goal…I just don’t know when exactly. ٩(×̯×)۶

I know with a level headed mind and some good ole patience, I can and will do it!

Oh, before I forget…I’ve been addicted to this free gaming site I found on an online buddy’s website. Its called OMGPOP! and is hella fun! Not only are the games free (and free to sign up), but you get to play with people from all over the world. It makes playing the games that much better! Check it out today!

Not only that, but when we would tell that something was just not right with my mother on how she was feeling, the nurses would just come up with, “well that’s normal after surgery.” This came from when my mother said she was feeling wheezy and short of breath. Now my mother has asthma, always have, and I would like to think she knows the difference from one feeling to another, so when we told the nurse this, she didn’t believe us and just gave us that line above. It took us two more tries, one finding my mother’s inhaler to prove she did have one, and two to get her doctors “confirmation” that she indeed had asthma and had her inhaler for this reason. The nurse then came back to apologize saying how it wasn’t in her paperwork. So, I guess because it’s not in the paper work, lets act like the patient is crazy and doesn’t know what he or she is talking about?

I know you RN’s go to school for this, but seriously, listen to the patients once in a while. I think after about 50 years of knowing yourself and how your body works…you should know when you have this feeling or can’t take this one drug or the other. Just don’t assume because you have schooling for what, 2-4 years, that you’re the only one who knows what’s wrong and right! (this totally doesn’t go to all RN’s out there, only the few who pissed me and my family off on the 7th floor at ORLANDO REGIONAL MEDICAL CENTER!)

Onto happier thoughts, my mother is currently in a rehabilitation center until she knows that she can come back home and have the strength to do so. She is doing much better then when she was in the hospital. She can do pretty much everything on her own, except for changing clothes and bathing herself, since she isn’t supposed to move or use her arms too much due to the incision and broken sternum she has because of the surgery.

There are nights where she feels a lot of pain due to the broken sternum and her back (she also had back surgery a few years back), but she is usually unwilling to take an extra dose of pain medication, because she doesn’t want to feel drowsy and incoherent. I don’t blame her, since they always had her doped up in the hospital, yet they wanted her to walk around and attend classes before she left…I just didn’t see the point.

All I know now, is that for the next couple of months, my mother will be needing a lot of extra care and help to get through all of this. The sad part about it, is that I’m the only one here to do all of this. My aunt, from MA, is currently staying with us, but will be leaving next month. A few family members who do live here in FL, are about an hour away and usually don’t communicate or visit that often, so its as if we’re the only family we got, just the two of us.

I’ll be starting school in the Spring and hope to find a job soon. With all this in mind, I feel like it’ll be a lot of stress for me to handle. To be honest, I’ve been “watching” over her since I was 13 when she had a major stroke. I’m 21, so you can imagine all that I’ve been through throughout the years. We came to live here in FL when I was 15, so between 13 to 15 I had some help from my family when we still lived in MA. After that, it was just us. My sister did come to live here about a year or two later, but she never stayed long, and has already moved back to MA.

I’ve always been there for my mother, taking care of her when she would cry out in pain at 3 AM. When she wanted and needed to go to the hospital and we’d be there for literally 10-12 hours in the ER, before they would decide to admit her, I’d be there, wide awake throughout the whole night, to make sure she was feeling OK and that when doctors and nurses came in to ask questions or find out information, I would be awake and ready (she would already be passed out from the many medicines they would give her). When she needs someone to go pick up her prescriptions at her doctors office, which is a 30 minute drive to the place, who is the one to do it, me.

For 8 years, it has only been me who has been there for her. As many times as I’ve said that I’ll be leaving or moving out, I can’t. Not only because I don’t have the money (I’ve been paying bills here since I was 16), but because if I left, I know she wouldn’t have anyone to take care of her, and sadly, I know she wouldn’t make it on her own.

You’re probably thinking, well why doesn’t she just go back to MA where all our family is, so that they can be there for her? Well, she doesn’t want to go back…I don’t blame her though. I can understand why she wouldn’t, but for now, it seems like the only thing she can do. Sooner or later, I want to live on my own…go to school in NY and start my life. I’m 21 years of age! I don’t want to start my life late and feel like I’ll never accomplish anything if I keep getting held back. That’s right, that’s how I feel. It may sound terrible to others and maybe not, but it’s how I feel sometimes and I wish I could just have a little bit of help and understanding from some people.

I didn’t want complain or rant too much in this blog post, but the feelings just washed over me and poured into my fingers typing on this keyboard.

All I can say is I hope that one day, all this stress will be free from us and that we can both live happily ever after…if only for a few months at least.

Go back to school: A personal goal I set for myself and so far have 95% completed. I have already paid the application fee and just need to send send proof of my residence! After that, I need to take the CPT (college placement test) and register for classes for the fall! If you’re wondering, I will be attending Valencia Community College. It’s cheap, an excellent school, and exactly what I need to raise my GPA!

Get a job: I’ve been applying EVERYWHERE like crazy! For now, I’m not too worried where I work, but I have been avoiding anything that has to do with food. Since I’ll be starting school in the fall, I’m not to hell bent on getting a full-time position. Of course, if the opportunity presents itself and is well worth it, I’ll go for it.

Start a business: For a while now I have been trying to start my own web design business. It’s a little dream of mine to actually have one huge multimedia company, but I need to start somewhere. Web design of course was the first thing in mind. Currently I have a few friends who I know I can trust to help me and have some excellent skills in their own respected fields, I just need to know where to start. I’m actually starting to research of all this now and hope to maybe have something going by the end of the year. Wish me luck!

Move out: This has been a great topic for posts on my blog for a while now. I always say I’m going to move out, but something always ends up happening that hinders that idea. I NEED to move out and asap! I just need the finical stability to do so…and possibly a roommate or two. Hopefully when I get a new job, I can work towards this goal.

For now, these are my major goals for 2009 and I really hope that I will be able to fulfill them before the year ends. I just need patients, smarts, and a whole lot of luck!

PS: I was tagged by LingLingfor the “What’s in My Bag?” game. I currently don’t use a purse/bag and just happily have a Chanel wallet with everything I need inside. My cellphone has a pocket case that fits on the side of my belt buckle or pant pocket and I usually hold my keys or attach them to my belt loop. So, not much need for a purse, unless of course it’s that time of the month or I’m going somewhere fancy.

I totally fail at this game!

It saddens me deeply, but if it will help out in the long run…what’s another one or two years? Yikes!

Ah, well at least with this time frame I can save up more money, shoot a few films I have in mind and also stay with my friends for a bit longer. (They were starting to attack me!)

All in all, I’m OK with it and hey, they always say that good things come to people who wait, so here I am waiting!

Yep, I have FINALLY decided to leave the nest and start living on my own…I had to sometime. The place I want to move to is NEW YORK! I love the city (as I have mentioned a million times) and it has always been a dream of mine to live there. I don’t care what anyone says, you have your good times and you have your bad, I’m moving to NY no matter what!

Not only that, but I want to start school there also! My second dream is to go to NYU (New York University), although from my high school transcripts (not sure if they would look at my technical school ones?) I’ll probably have to do some community college first to get my GPA (Grade Point Average) up. So I have to look into that.

So far, my boyfriend and I (who I will be moving with…yay!) are planning for a trip up there for the end of February or beginning March! I’ll hopefully be staying with family members and in that time, scoping out jobs and apartments in/or around the city. I REALLY don’t want live in the projects…I know how that goes…and if I have anything to do with it, I WILL NOT be moving into them.

I’ve been looking for jobs on Craig’s List and am surprised at how many jobs you can find there, that I’ve never seen a listing for here in Orlando. Not only that, but some of them are simple to do jobs that actually pay better then working a McDonald’s (which I will never work at…).

All this planning is getting me so excited and I cannot wait to start it all out. I know I might have some tough times, but knowing I did it on my own, rather my mother or family member helping me out, really just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Haha, I know lame!

So much has happened in the last month, counting between the end of June and till now, that its too much to write out. To explain it in a nutshell, I’m moving. Yup, no more Florida or Orlando. Well at least just for tiny bit longer as I fix some loose ends here and clean up shop…haha. I’ve decided to finally go to New York and attend The New York Film Academy that I’ve been looking at for a good year now.

If you’re a constant reader, you’ll know I talked about going to Full Sail here in Orlando and are probably wondering what happened to my idea of going there? Well, its called reality, the school is REALLY expensive for just two years and I’m too poor for it. Even if I applied for the Pell Grant and took out loans…after two years and 7 months, I’d have to be paying it all back. $75,000.00 USD is not easy to pay back no matter the “monthly installments”. I know that’s how college life is, but it makes more sense if it were spanned out to 4 years instead of 2, no?

Anywho, the NYFA is much cheaper and pretty much the same as Full Sail, probably only a little more old school and better yet, in the heart of New York City. I’m a sucker for the city! Well until I can officially move there, which will most likely be at the beginning of next year or ending of this one, I hope, I will be saving up like crazy. Now I just need to decide whether I save up in Tallahassee or back in my home state of Massachusetts? Hmmm….

Sad to say it, but yes, right now we are in a major slump. With everything rising in price, even our rent, and our jobs not doing much about it, its hard. Right now we are looking for a smaller apartment to possible move to, but everything we find is practically the same price we are paying for here in a house! Not only that, but I’m debating whether or not to just get a place of my own. My number one question; “Am I ready for it?”.

I feel like I could do it, but I also want to go back to school and am wondering if I would have the right amount of time to keep a stable job, go to school, and still be able to pay the rent and amenities that come with it? On top of that, I have two cats, and for those of you with pet family members know how expensive some of their things can cost. I’m not necessarily complaining, I love my babies and would do anything for them, I just have to be a little more realistic and think about them when deciding what I will be doing, or I’ll just be setting myself up for failure if I don’t.

Ugh and then there is the whole school thing. YUP, I’m still trying to figure out where to go. My choices at the moment:

The ever expensive Full Sail University (yes, they are an accredited university now)
The somewhat lacking University of Central Florida
The you-must-be-a-first-year-to-get-in-the-film-school of Florida State University
The not really in the mood to get just my AA at Valencia Community College

Sounds exciting, no? Yea, I don’t know…>_>

I just have to say; this school is amazing! Everything they own is state-of-the-art. The students, teachers, and staff are all very down-to-earth people with a passion for this industry. This school has everything any undergraduate to even graduate could want and then some. The film department just got me a little to over excited when we visited all the rooms with equipment after equipment. I felt like running over to the cameras and playing with them! And, oh my gawd, their sound editing systems were HUGE! Bigger then what I’ve seen in a recording studio, it was crazy! They also showed us the many graduates and their accomplishments through out the years, and I have to say mostly everything you see out there has at least one Full Sail graduate on board. I love it!

Of course, where there is happiness, sadness is always at toe. Finally we get to the end of the tour, where we are able to meet with admission and financial aid representatives and faculty. Their film department in the span of 21 months comes out to be a whomping $69,175.00 dollars! That’s $23,025.00 dollars every 7 months. My mother, who accompanied me on this event, jaw dropped when we were told this. I mean, I knew it was expensive but not THIS expensive. Do you know how many loans I would/will need to take out for this? I’d be in debt before I could even start my life. A year and nine months till I’d graduate and then six to seven months later, I’d have to start paying my dues.

And even after all of this has been said and done, I am still interested in going to this school! Woe is me. =(

Sadly, I did not get the job as Westgate. The man called me back and told me that at that time they really needed someone with expert skills in Flash and action-scripting. I’m not going to lie, I SUCK in Flash, but I do know the program, since I had to make a mock company website using Flash and made a menu made purely with action-script, but I guess it wasn’t good enough for them. My hopes of finding a well off job in web design are sinking fast and I feel that I should just stick to freelancing and find a part-time job doing something else. In the end, I need money, no matter how I get it. (OK so it DOES matter how I get, if you get my drift…ha ha)

So, for the rest of this week, I will be trying to find as many grants, loans, and scholarships I can find and fill out an application for them. God only knows I will need them.

I really do hope, I get the job. It sounds great, from what the man told me and what I read on Monster.com. The pay is great, for starting out. ($20 an hour for the first 4 months) Its a 9 to 5 job and that’s what has me in a jumble right now. Since I do also want to continue with my education, if I get this job (which I pray to God I do) then that means that I would definitely try out for Valencia, since Full Sail is basically a 9 to 5 “job” also and that obviously won’t do.

I have finally made up my mind, thanks to myself and others. I will be going to Valencia! Since I really do need a job, this is the wisest choice I can make. As of now, I will be applying for the spring, since some of the classes I want to take are not available for fall. (which kind of already started) Whew, I can’t wait!

My GPA (Grade Point Average) in high school was extremely low and I feel that if I were to apply for a four year university (NYU), then they wouldn’t really choose me to become a student there. So my thoughts and decision is to raise y GPA by taking a couple of classes in a community college. Here in Orlando there is a CC called Valencia, that has a couple of branches around Central Florida and is known to be a top school. There is also another extremely well known school here in Orlando called Full Sail. Both schools have a lot to offer, but at the moment I’m leaning more toward Full Sail. Full Sail is basically a cram school and the longest you can be there is two years. The best part, you can earn a bachelors degree in just these two years!

Their film department is a bachelors degree program. So I’m really interested in that.

At first, I was really interested in Valencia because a lot of my friends go there and said it was great school and environment. Also, like I said above, I need to raise my GPA. I’m really hoping that Full Sail can offer this (which it should) but then again the tech school I went to didn’t…so you never know unless you ask.

I’m going to be going to both schools for an open house and see how they are for myself. I hope my experience while there will be worth wile and that the best school shines brightly, so that my decision can be easier.