Sometimes I Hate Life…
…while other times I love it. Makes sense right?
For the past month, my life has just been one huge roller coaster, and right now, I’m not sure it’ll end just yet (the drama not my life, yeesh!). Earlier this month, I got into a car accident. My car of 2 years, which would have been paid off the beginning of the next year, was announced a total loss by my auto insurance provider. This is where my drama started.
I officially broke up with my boyfriend right after. After one whole year of the good and the bad, it became nasty and ended all in one terrible day. I was completely heart broken. Add this to the stress of not having a car and going back and fourth with lawyers, car insurance, and tricky lien holders, it was just spelling out disaster.
For about a week, I went into my own little depression, wondering what the hell I did wrong to be in the position I was in. Second guessing myself and thinking that what people might have said were true and I was merely just blind to it all. I thought of the most ugliest things in that time and I felt bad afterward seeing my mother and friends feeling bad for me as well.
If its one thing in life I absolutely hate, its that of people feeling bad for me or being a part of my problems. I know sometimes its not so healthy to keep things bottled up or the burden put completely on your shoulders, but with what I’ve gone through in life and my experiences, I can’t help it. I just don’t want people to throw things back in my face later on or expect me to BE THERE for them, because they were there for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always try to help others out as much as I can (contradicting, huh?), but for someone to nastily think that I OWE them because they did a small favor for me…even when I didn’t ask for it, or told them not to, they still expect it and not in a nice way either, is what I hate the most! Sadly, this has happened to me on one too many occasions.
In the end though, I have to thank my family and friends for their encouraging words. If not for them, I would probably still be thinking so poorly of myself and for no good reason. I know who I am, I mean, I would sure hope so after 21 years of living. Only I know who I truly am and what I believe. Others cannot tell me what THEY think I am just because it is what THEY believe. Only I can define myself.
After much thought and getting back on my feet, I noticed things to turn around for the good. Like they say, when one door closes, another opens, and I believe this to be very true. I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, have let certain things pass me by, while I was blinded by just wasn’t right, but not anymore. I’m proud to be who I am and although life loves to give me lemons, all I can do is well…make lemonade!
I just hope that with all that has happened and with what I know now and the freedoms I have, that I will make the right decisions from here on out and live my life the way I want and to the fullest! In the end, that’s what life’s all about, right? 
Hello, my name is Roxanne and I am an outgoing friendly type of gal who likes to see life in a different light then most people. I am an aspiring filmmaker and professional web designer with a passion for multimedia. I don't judge a book by its cover and live life to the fullest. Want to get to know me more? Don't hesitate to contact me. LIVE LOVE LAUGH!
Amanda | July 6th, 2009 at 2:45 am #
I’m sorry to hear that things were so bad for you awhile back – however, I’m delighted to hear that you’re feeling better! Keeping positive is the best way of making positive things happen.
Caity | July 7th, 2009 at 6:28 pm #
Wow, I’m sorry that you had a bit of a rough time lately. I’m glad that you are doing better now. I find that family and friends always help me through rough times that I couldn’t otherwise pull myself out from.
Caity´s last blog ..New place and new diet.
Tammy | July 9th, 2009 at 4:46 pm #
I’m sorry to hear that it’s been rough lately. However, I am really glad that you’re doing better. Hope things continue to be good for the next while until things are normal for you again.
Tammy´s last blog ..Polly wants muffins, not crackers
Felisa | July 9th, 2009 at 10:15 pm #
Better comment late than never right? I’m so sorry about all you’ve had to go through. It’s times like those when you figure out those who really matter though… they’re the ones who you know you can call and will be more than willing to let you talk about the things that are bothering you even if it’s the nth time that you’ve felt the need to talk about them.
I totally know what you mean about people feeling like you owe them. There’s actually a term for that in the Filipino culture because when you’re indebted for something, you’re indebted to them for life. It’s supposed to be a good thing in the Filipino culture because it creates a bond between people but I’ve always thought that it was a shitty deal because some people abuse your indebtedness to them.
I loved this post because it’s where I feel that I’m at right now… Realizing things about myself and realizing that stuff happen and that you just have to learn to grieve a little then move on… It’s called life
I do hope things have looked up from you since you posted this!
April | July 20th, 2009 at 10:58 am #
I know I’m a random person who dropped by on your blog, but this topic really touched me. Life is full of obstacles you have to confront, it’s not easy to live a happy ending like in fairy tales. But as I can see, you’re a really strong girl! I’m sorry to hear the car accident and the end of your relationship with your boyfriend but, I’m sure with time, patience and perseverance, you can afford to fix your car and find the one who really deserves you
Good Luck~ =D
April´s last blog ..Chasing after summer!
Ongaku | July 20th, 2009 at 11:01 am #
I see what you mean. I like to help people but I don’t expect anything in return. At least I don’t want them to be mean to me, but if that happens then I just stop being nice and helping them.
That’s a lot of crap you had to go through, but that is true about, when you are down, things can only get better. *hugs*
Ongaku´s last blog ..Heavy Topics
April | July 20th, 2009 at 11:52 am #
No problem Roxanne
I’ll add you as well, thanks for the request~~~~~
April´s last blog ..Chasing after summer!
Lingling | July 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 am #
I hope you’re doing better now. It sucks to have bad things happen to you one right after another. Summer isn’t going well for me either. I just wish it would end already and let me move on with my life.
If anything, I’m always here to listen to your problems. I usually don’t have great advice or anything to give, but I can always lend an ear.
Kiera | July 25th, 2009 at 8:03 pm #
Since a little time has passed since you wrote this, I hope all is well with you.
I really want to comment on what you said in your last paragraph, about living life the way you want. From someone who is about to turn 25 in a week, PLEASE don’t make the same mistakes I did. I was so conflicted to do what I thought everyone else wanted me to do, that I didn’t make decision that would make me happy. I didn’t live my life, I let others live it for me.
You seem to have the outlook that will move you forward positively, though. Good luck!